I am reading a banned book.

and it's a tough read for a neurodivergent.

“Hey, kids! It's your old buddy Stve King telling you that if they ban a book in your school, haul your ass to the nearest bookstore or library ASAP and find out what they don't want you to read.” - Stephen King (Our Lord and Savior)

I won’t lie: I was raised as a person of knowledge. I always had my nose stuck in books and was taught critical thinking early on. I am also a neurodivergent (with ADHD) who sees patterns.

I love history, but instead of being cute, “Did you know that in 1865…” all I do right now is “THE SIGNS!”.

Anyway, my mother always said, “The ones burning the books are never the good guys after all, are they?”. This sparked my general need to ensure I read through and UNDERSTOOD the banned books. Especially the ones that have been banned recently.

For those of you who are in the USA, where Orwell’s “1984” and “Animal Farm” are banned - I had those books as Mandatory Reads IN SCHOOL.

So, in the light of the new banned books list - I reached out for one of the “most banned books”, and no… it’s not the Sarah J. Mass Court of Thorns and Roses… That whole thing got read in November 2024 (and yes… it’s on the list).

It’s Margaret Atwood - The handmaid’s tale

And dear gods… It’s a challenging read.

I thought I was prepared

See, I watched a TV series. I remember that the first episodes left me speechless, especially. Throughout the entire series, I saw patterns. I thought of the (then) current situation and how it was progressing with time.

I thought I’d know what would happen in the book since I saw the series. I thought it couldn’t shock me beyond the visuals I saw on the screen. How could letters make me more emotional and terrified than the visuals of the events unfolding before my eyes?

SPOILER ALERT: THEY DID.

I heard stories of people reading it as well. They said it’s a short read, and they finished it in a couple of days or maybe a week.

I also saw Margaret Atwood reacting to her book getting banned by creating a fireproof version and using a flamethrower to raise money for charity.

Heck, it was actually why I decided I needed to read it.

I was NOT prepared

Reading the book, I saw that the hell gates were wide open, and I saw even more than I had seen before.

Our tiny book club (3 members) is reading The Handmaid’s Tale together. My sister (member number 1) said, “Atwood loves her descriptions, “but I see it differently.

The whole book is written in the first person. It actually often sounds like my own brain. The main character (Jude, as we know from the series) jumps from topic to topic, frequently getting her mind away from what is happening in front of her. There are detailed descriptions of things around her. But it’s not because of “descriptions”. It’s because of detachment.

I have an odd feeling that this is a nuance that will be understood only by a specific group of readers. The ones that have experienced detachment. I know that my sister did not experience many things I had the “luck” to live through. I am happy for her, but I see that she doesn’t see this nuance, and frankly - I am unable to describe it.

This is why I need to close my eyes and put the book down every couple of chapters, while my sister says it’s an “easy read with short chapters” while I am going through flashbacks. My brain knows the state the story's narrator (and hopefully not the author) is in.

The issue I see in this book is that I experienced those emotions. I know the thought pattern; I understand it. I cannot imagine having it ALL THE TIME as the narrator does. She does not have a break.

I also see many patterns of currently happening, followed by “we did not react when XYZ happened” and “we did not react when they took XYZ”. Because I see that many of us don’t react to things that are happening right now.

It hurts me on a deeper level. That’s why it’s a really tough read for me.

Lexie Janson - Crown Of Shadows is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Why would someone ban it?

Well, many reasons, I guess.

I always thought of banned books as the ones that someone in charge has read through and thought to themselves, “Well, that’s an amazing idea!” or… “Oopsie… I’m doing a similar thing. Better not get people thinking about that too much.”

With The Handmaid’s Tale - I see a lot (and I mean A LOT) of laws, situations, and thoughts that point “to the past” when people did nothing until it was too late.

They are also based on actual historical events. History likes to repeat itself, though.

And let’s agree on one thing: A lot of us do nothing until it’s too late.

This also makes me wonder if I want to read Orwell’s “Animal Farm” and “1984” again. Why? Because I read it as a teenager. It may hit differently now. How do I know? Because in 2024 I re-read the Lord Of The Rings - and it hit me on a different level.

General review:

Thought-provoking: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Easy to follow: ⭐️⭐️⭐️ (The detachment moments sometimes make the reader confused)
Historical background: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Attention to detail: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
The ending (historical note): ⭐️⭐️⭐️ (I only figured out what it was BECAUSE I watched the series)
MUST READ

Anyway, what banned books have you read and do you think they have been banned for a serious reason? Conspiracy theories are welcome because Harry Potter was on the list too.